Spirit Junkie Chapter Nine

Well it's definitely been a while on this one! This book was a huge life-changer for me and when the time is right, the blog is right.

Chapter Nine of Spirit Junkie was all about how the spirit can become your boyfriend! Sounds silly right? But it works.

Working towards the process of forgiveness and love. I can say that I am working my way towards feeling full forgiveness towards those that I feel have hurt me in the past. I know that I am the one that has the power over my thoughts and feelings. However, people do and say hurtful things and as an adult I am allowed to have feelings of hurt and anger. However, I do not want to hold onto those feelings forever. Negative feelings are exhausting. I am not a negative person and do not like the way that I feel, or the person I become, when I am under a negative influence.

Restoring our thoughts back to "right-mindedness" is what this chapter is about. Using your ~ing to guide you from fear, attack, judgement into a place of forgiveness and happiness. The past couple of months have been difficult for me and my family can attest to that. In the past my answer was always to run from the problem and push people out of my life solely because it was the easiest way I could get away from the hurt. Well, let's face it.. I'm 30, and as a 30 year old I shouldn't be just running away from my feelings. I am capable and knowledgeable enough to handle my feelings. Taking my own advice has helped me work through the hurt, although it will be an ongoing process. 

By building and nurturing the relationship with our ~ing we can find all the love that we need is inside of us. We must love ourselves before we can love someone else. ~ing will also provide feelings of comfort, security, loving experiences, inspiration, support and guidance, and feelings of loneliness will slowly disappear. Although I do not spend as much time in meditation as I would like, the time that I do spend has helped me to connect to my spirit. One of my goals this year is to become more connected to my inner self and to build a trustworthy relationship with myself that is full of love, security, comfort and support.

The activity for this chapter included:
1. Making a list of all of the ways in which you feel your spirit - this can be during meditation, playing an instrument, listening to music, running, walking, being around a certain person.
2. Be Mindful - Pay attention to the moments in which you feel your spirit
3. Add Water - take time to water your spirit. If you feel your spirit during yoga, make it a priority to do more yoga.

"To Heal Is To Make Happy" 

Spirit Junkie Chapter Eight

Chapter Eight of Spirit Junkie is about accepting the invitation. We must "Seek to change nothing, but merely to accept everything." In thinking about that quote, it really takes us deeper and brings us to a more clear connection with out Spirit. Reminding myself to stay connected to my inner light and to keep inviting the light and love of the spirit in, is constantly the challenge. 

This chapter really taught me that I was ready to love myself, and that I needed to love myself again in order to move on and to find love again in other people. Through my prep, and this book, I have learned that I do not need food, alcohol, or negative relationships to make me feel fulfilled. I have learned that all the love I need is inside of me. My inner connection to myself is what fulfills me daily. I am able to maintain my positive energy and outlook on life. 

Key points in accepting the invitation: 

1. Say YES to Spirit: If you are ready to connect to your spirit - say yes! 

2. Unblock: The more you believe, the more you will receive! 

3. Listen: Meditate and listen to your ~ing. 

~Ryanne 

The Transformation

Wow. That is all I can say about these past 24 weeks. My life has been forever changed in more ways than words can ever describe. BUT here goes…

I walked into Dusty’s office with the intention that I wanted to lose weight, get healthy, and possibly compete. I left Dusty’s office an hour later knowing that I was 160lbs, 28% body fat, and stepping on stage in a tiny ass bikini on October 10^th and 17^th, 2015. Yeah, that’s real life.

My prep began in May and I was so excited. I thought I had everything in life a girl could want. I finished my undergrad in psychology, I got a job teaching yoga, I enjoyed my job at the hospital, I had a boyfriend, a roof over my head, and a good support system.

This prep though, it makes you emotional. It challenges you in ways you didn’t know you could or would ever be challenged. You are forced to learn about yourself and the other people in your life. I cried almost daily, and 90% of those tears were shed in the gym. The gym became my safe place when my world turned upside down.

Fast forward three months to August. My prep was not difficult, I actually had it easy compared to some and had very few low days. The low days though, are what get you. The bad days attack and eat you alive. August was THE WORST. In August, my boyfriend and I broke up, and very shortly after that my grandfather passed away. I had been married, divorced, and lost my father to cancer by the time I was 26 and none of that compares to this. I used to run to food and alcohol to suppress my feelings. I used food and alcohol as a way to bond and build relationships. This time, I couldn’t do that.

I showed up to multiple sessions with Dusty crying. The session after my grandfather passed will be an hour of my life that I never forget. I had lost 4 pounds in a little over a week, and was a mess. I walked through the door and Dusty took one look at me and said get in my truck we aren’t training today. We spent that hour talking about everything. Past, present, and future. Holding in the negativity wasn’t going to get anywhere. Letting it go and moving on is what needed to happen and so it did.

I was not perfect on my prep. I binge ate almond butter, I had mixed nuts when I shouldn’t have. But we’re human. Prep is hard. I learned so much about myself as a person. I have been able to forgive people in my life and let go of past hurt in order to move forward in a positive relationship. I have found a confidence and a love for myself that I didn’t know was possible. I have found who my true support system is in my family and friends. The best part is that I gained an entirely new family in the Renovation Training team, through thick and thin they have become home to me.

I stepped on stage on October 10^th and 17^th knowing that I did the best I could and that no matter what the outcome I have a life to be so proud of. This journey is my trophy, and it’s the best trophy a girl could ask for. 

#BOSUStrong

5 THINGS THAT MAKE ME #BOSUStrong

Today I am embarking on a 4 week challenge with BOSU and Sweat Pink to prove to the world that I am #BOSUSTRONG. Being #BOSUSTRONG means I make fitness part of my everyday life, at home, out and about, and with my friends and family.I will squat, mountain climb, plank, push-up, lunge, bicep curl  and shoulder press my way to a stronger and more healthy body.  And I will encourage my friends and family to join me on this fun journey because we are one big, happy #FitFamily.

Being #BOSUStrong is not just about movement, sweat, or even owning a BOSU, its about being a leader, an inspiration to others, and sharing my own fitness journey with others. It’s about not letting _work and _life excuses stand in my way of sweating and getting strong! The 5 things that make me #BOSUStrong are:

My strong_arms_____________________.

My ability to__Persevere__________________.

My love for__health and wellness____________________.

My healthy __happy lifestyle___________________.

And my ____SELF - me me me _____________________.

So I want to know - are you #BOSUStrong? Copy and paste the above, fill it in and make it your own and then tag me in it and share with your friends! Let’s all be #BOSUSTRONG.

~~~ RYANNE

Spirit Junkie Chapter Six

Chapter six....Relationships are assignments. I repeat RELATIONSHIPS ARE ASSIGNMENTS.

This chapter is about how we view and treat relationships, how we become co-dependent, how we change the person that we are to be the person that we think we should be. So tragic...that the ego actually makes us believe that we aren't cool enough or that we aren't enough without that special someone.

Props can go to the ego for making us fall into these traps. Guilt being a main trap that the ego sucks us into quite often. "Guilt is the feeling we experience as a response to the belief that we've sinned against love - it's a projection of the sadness we have for neglecting love." SAY WHAT!!!! Sinning against love - that's a thought.

"Unconsciously we believe we deserve punishment because we turned our back on love." 

Pretty deep AND pretty true. We are able to relieve our guilt by attacking others.

****The entire point of this chapter is to have the willingness to see relationships as assignments. I, you, we, have to agree to show up for whatever comes our way. Be willing to grow, be open to new experiences, BE OPEN TO THE UNIVERSE BRINGING IN SOMEONE THAT YOU NEVER EXPECTED.

Siding with the ~ing is the best part. Asking for help and being open to help. 

The assignment for this chapter was a meditation followed by a free-writing experiment on "How have I projected my fear onto others?" - In short, I use feelings of unworthiness and unhappiness as a reason for fighting and I use defense mechanisms to block and shut out the people in my life in order to protect myself. I talk negatively to myself and about myself to others.

The next, and most important step, is to SHOW UP. Recognize the assignment and show up for it. By seeing love in the face of another person you know the true meaning of oneness. 

Lastly, "when you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. 

~Ryanne

Transformation of a Lifetime

Holy man. Making progress. What a journey this past 4 months has been. 

Wait, back up.... 

June 2014 - unhappy, unhealthy, not confident. I mean just look at my body and my face. I was so stressed out and so tired. Just run down to the very last drop. 

Fast forward to May 2015 - I had lost about 20 pounds on my own before meeting with my coach/trainer to discuss this thing they call a bikini competition. I walked, chatted, got measured, and signed my contract and a chunk of my bank account over to him. 

Coach literally responded with "what am I getting myself into?" Thinking that this wasn't going to last or go very far, or maybe that I wasn't serious. I honestly don't know what went through his head but he has stuck by my side every step of the way.

Now moving forward to 3 weeks into my transformation - which will now be referred to as a lifestyle: 

   3 weeks into my training at about 153 pounds. 

I'm not going to sugar coat - it was rough. I remember when I had a cheat and at an oatmeal raisin cookie - I felt so terrible! I immediately texted Coach and was all "oh gosh, I ate a cookie, just one, it will never happen again I swear!" 

Thankfully he was kind about it and told me that it can never happen again (not during training)!!!!

Fast forward - July 1, 2015. I went swimsuit shopping. Yikes! I haven't liked swimsuit shopping in...uh...well probably since 9th grade. My goal for 2015 is to do an unassisted pull-up and to have abs for my 30th birthday. The pull-up is in progress...along with the abs. I have little baby ones but they're going to make an appearance before my shows. I know it!!! 

So I found a couple of swimsuits. A little snug around the hip at this point in the picture but overall they fit...and I felt great. Bonus - the bottoms are a M not an L. 

                                  Left 6/24/14 middle 7/1/15 right 8/1/15

Weight 180lbs, 147lbs, 145lbs 

Onto to the current - 8/1/15 - I have over halfway through my 

training and have 10 weeks to go until I step on stage for the 

very first time! So many emotions. 

I took this picture on a whim in the yoga studio and was 

pleasantly surprised by my progress in 4 weeks. Needless to 

say my progress is starting to become more noticeable. I've 

had people not recognize me, walk past and not realize it's 

me!!! 

I've been very apprehensive about sharing my pictures, mainly because I am still stuck in my own head a little bit. The mind is a sneaky little bastard and likes to play tricks on you. Especially in the midst of a ferocious training regimen complete with meal and workout plans!

What I have learned is that the number on the scale is just a number. It fluctuates. Trust your body and TRUST THE PROCESS! Learn from your coach and bust your ass everyday like you don't have another chance! Change is possible. You just have to want it. 

Big shout-out to my coach - without you this isn't possible. 

You make dreams into a reality and have the biggest heart 

around. Even when you're mad I know you care about all 

your competitors so much that you'd jump in front of a plate 

of chocolate ice cream peanut butter pie topped with sour 

patch kids just to keep us on track! 

Fire Up!!

Ryanne

Competition Thoughts

Happy Friday Friends!

As of tomorrow I am 17 weeks out from my very first and 18 weeks out from my second Bikini Competition. Emotional is an understatement. I have no idea what to feel, how to feel, when to feel, where to feel... 17 weeks left. It feels like yesterday that I just started on this journey to find the best me (it's been 9 weeks) and I can say that so far I have learned to so much about myself and my body.

Mentally, I am becoming stronger. Able to resist the temptations and push myself harder than I thought I would be able to in the Gym. I have found that my ability to give up alcohol has been one of the easier things. Even though I love craft beer and exploring breweries is something my boyfriend and I enjoy doing together, this journey is more important right now. I'm thankful that he understands that and we both know this is temporary. I'm not saying I look forward to getting all white-girl after my competitions, but I definitely look forward to the day I can enjoy a beer with my burger and a glass of wine in the bathtub! Ya feel me?!

Physically, I can see so many changes in my body. Muscles growing, fat slowly shrinking. My back and shoulders showing definition. My quads are starting to form and pop. My hamstring muscles are replacing the fat dimples on the back of my legs. My biceps are growing big like Arnold. And my obliques and hips are starting to come out of hibernation under layers and layers of fat. My face in noticeably slimmer, less irritated, less red and blotchy, and less acne and random breakouts.

Emotionally, I'm starting to become more self-aware. What food makes me feel. How food makes my body feel. How good workouts wear me out in the best possible way and make me tired, and how a bad workout can send me into a negative state of mind for a while and make me want to quit for the day. My emotional state is up and down - primarily up and positive and happy. However, during the first few days of my meal and workout plan change it's rough. My body adapts for 4 weeks and just when the groove is there it switches. This last change provided me with an insight into food jealousy and anger towards other people eating foods that I don't even really care for or wouldn't eat normally. BUT because I can't have them and they can I was mad and jealous. These thoughts and feelings passed, thankfully.

Look for a future posting about food. Oh food, how I love thee!

This process is not even half way over at this point and I am so excited to continue on. The journey is completely amazing, inspiring, life-changing, and a roller coaster ride like no other. This journey is what you make it. My goal through this is remain positive throughout the process and especially after the shows! More on post-show goals later though. Right now, we focus on today. We focus on goals for today, plans for today, meals and workouts for today. We focus on the now. The now that you create.

Be Happy. Be Healthy. Be Humble.

~Ryanne

So it begins

So this is the beginning. I've made the leap and found the courage to do something I have thought about for years. My fitness journey has been a roller coaster to say the least but I've finally decided that is not just a fleeting period of time....this is a LIFESTYLE!

In yoga there is a saying that says "When the student is ready, the teacher appears." I have already found my yoga teacher and couldn't be more thrilled to have my 200 hour RYT certification. Shortly after my certification my second teacher, and now coach/trainer, appeared.

My lifestyle changes have led me to a great and empowering human. He is going to coach me and guide me for the next six months on how to bring the best me onto the stage and you best believe we bringing sexy back 💃🏼. 

Now this journey and change is not going to be easy. Not at all. This journey is going to be hard as hell and fun as hell all at once. I'm so intrigued and curious to find out what my body can handle physically and to learn what I can handle emotionally and mentally. The mind is a dirty trickster and I'm not about to let my mind defeat me and steer me away from my goals.  

So join me on this ride as I make my dreams come true! 

💪🏼👙 Ryanne ✌🏼️