Spirit Junkie Chapter Six

Chapter six....Relationships are assignments. I repeat RELATIONSHIPS ARE ASSIGNMENTS.

This chapter is about how we view and treat relationships, how we become co-dependent, how we change the person that we are to be the person that we think we should be. So tragic...that the ego actually makes us believe that we aren't cool enough or that we aren't enough without that special someone.

Props can go to the ego for making us fall into these traps. Guilt being a main trap that the ego sucks us into quite often. "Guilt is the feeling we experience as a response to the belief that we've sinned against love - it's a projection of the sadness we have for neglecting love." SAY WHAT!!!! Sinning against love - that's a thought.

"Unconsciously we believe we deserve punishment because we turned our back on love." 

Pretty deep AND pretty true. We are able to relieve our guilt by attacking others.

****The entire point of this chapter is to have the willingness to see relationships as assignments. I, you, we, have to agree to show up for whatever comes our way. Be willing to grow, be open to new experiences, BE OPEN TO THE UNIVERSE BRINGING IN SOMEONE THAT YOU NEVER EXPECTED.

Siding with the ~ing is the best part. Asking for help and being open to help. 

The assignment for this chapter was a meditation followed by a free-writing experiment on "How have I projected my fear onto others?" - In short, I use feelings of unworthiness and unhappiness as a reason for fighting and I use defense mechanisms to block and shut out the people in my life in order to protect myself. I talk negatively to myself and about myself to others.

The next, and most important step, is to SHOW UP. Recognize the assignment and show up for it. By seeing love in the face of another person you know the true meaning of oneness. 

Lastly, "when you meet anyone, remember it is a holy encounter. As you see him, you will see yourself. As you treat him, you will treat yourself. As you think of him, you will think of yourself. Never forget this, for in him you will find yourself or lose yourself. 

~Ryanne

Spirit Junkie Chapter Five

In hopes to clear my mind before bed, I am going to enlighten you a little bit on Chapter Five - which is called "The F Word." 

I learned a lot in this chapter. Primarily about how to forgive and how important forgiveness is. Almost everything I have done this past week has included some type of message on forgiveness.... odd right? No, it's a sign. I need to forgive people in my life, forgive situations that have happened, and know that these aren't acts of betrayal or hurt, but acts that are meant to make me stronger as an individual. 

Spirit Junkie says that "by defending myself I was making things worse." By defending my actions and my wrongdoings, I was making things worse. We must chose to remain defenseless in order to remain in the present moment. Don't dwell on the past, don't bring up the past in an argument, just stay present. Yes it's hard...so hard..but you CAN do it. I promise. 

By forgiving other people we aren't just letting them off the hook, we are doing something far more important. We are releasing ourselves of the negativity, the hurt, the pain, the struggle, and most importantly THE EGO. The ego convinces us that we are separate from the situation, that we are the victim... we aren't. 

Often times the act of forgiveness allows us to realize that we aren't mad at the other person, we are mad at ourselves. This was a huge realization for me. I am mad at myself for a number of reasons. Primarily, for not being able to keep my relationship together (But that's an entirely different post). 

By practicing the F word we learn that "When we connect to light within others, you can see them as equal and release your resentments." The ego's walls of separation are torn down and we can unite as one. 

Breakin' Down the F Word: 

Step 1. Recognize the illusion: Remember, in each situation we have 2 CHOICES: ONE IS TO SEE THE DARKENESS, THE OTHER IS TO SEE THE LIGHT. By choosing to see the darkness, we strengthen our own inner darkness, and when we see the light we shine from the inside out. 

Question: How have I chosen to see darkness in this situation? 

     A: Placing blame, being defensive, arguments, not taking ownership, silence, harboring old negative feelings. 

Step 2. Release Judgement: Take time to release judgments. This one is HUGE for me. HUGE HUGE HUGE. In my journey over the past 5 months, I have become increasingly quiet due to my lack of feelings to be judgmental towards others. 

Question: How have I been judging? 

     A: Lifestyle choices such as diet and exercise, significant others/partners, Careers, Goals, Motivation and lack of motivation. 

Step 3: Be willing to forgive: 'Do you prefer to be right or happy? The willingness to release the need to be right is a major step toward forgiveness." 

Step 4: Ask you ~ing for help: Ask for help and be patient. Trust the process and stay willing to the process. Like everything it takes time. Let your inner spirit guide you to forgiveness, don't force it and DO NOT GIVE UP ON IT! 

Lastly, don't be afraid to have feelings and emotions and to be a real human being. We are designed to feel, some more than others, but that doesn't lessen the fact that moving forward in life and in any spiritual journey is hard. You can cry, laugh, punch the pillow, karate chop and block, or whatever it is you need to do to work through your individual issues. For me, I am highly sensitive...like beyond sensitive, but I act like a hard ass because I have to. I cry ( a lot, no exaggeration) and I get mad but I direct my feelings toward something. Towards things like becoming the best me I can be, inside and outside. So don't say that you can't or that you won't make it. You will. You have to. If you don't, you will be miserable and forever the victim on a vicious cycle of unhappiness. No one wants that for themselves or for others. Get out there and do you - find your happiness and find your journey. 

~Ryanne 

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Spirit Junkie Chapter Four

In continuing with the Spirit Junkie journey... Chapter four is all about asking for help. 

This chapter talks about denial and how we often trick ourselves into thinking that we are not good enough in certain or all areas of our life and that we often seek out ways to define ourself. There is often a looming little thought that we are not enough, or just not good enough. Not good enough to be in a successful relationship, not good enough professionally, not good enough to be whatever it is that you struggle with. Therefore, we find new ways to define who we are. If we struggle with relationships we pursue business or other outlets that we can become successful at. 

For me, I struggle with relationships. Due to this struggle, I find ways to make myself busy and to become good at things. Going back to school was a big one for me. I needed to prove that I was good enough to get my undergraduate degree. Good enough to make it in the field of psychology. (Which I'm still progressing towards...but graduate degrees are expensive and serious time commitments). 

The real progress is made when we ask for help. When we take it upon ourself to ask ourself for help. As hard as that may be, it's a freeing experience. When I first started this book I had already begun to ask for help in forgiveness. I need help forgiving the people that I feel have hurt me in any way. Listening to my inner guide/spirit (~ing) is what it all comes down to. As the book says "The soul purpose of our ~ing is to guide our thoughts back to love." I need to awaken my inner guide and trust her and trust that she will guide me towards forgiveness and love. HELL NO, it won't happen overnight but it will happen. Our ~ing does not judge the process and is patient with us. The key point is remembering to listen to her. 

In surrendering to our ~ing there are three steps: 

1. Gently surrender 

2. Ask for help - through the use of prayer, journaling, or internal dialogue. Find what works best for you. 

3. Wait patiently for a response - this can be in the form of intuition, an inner voice, or an external message. 

Now now now - yeah I know what you're thinking, "you want me to be patient?!?! BUT I've surrendered and asked...." Trust me and trust yourself. Just wait and be patient. Remember good things come to those who wait.  

Spirit Junkie Chapter Three

The learning continues. I am amazed at the progress a mind can make in such a short amount of time. The third chapter of Spirit Junkie focuses on that special relationship and how we make idols of certain people and/or things. 

"The ego convinces us that all the love we need is in one "special" person." Basically that we need that one person to be complete. However, no one person can be your main source of happiness. "The ego had convinced me that without a man I was incomplete..." How sad and true it is that most of us women and men feel this way, whether it be about a man or a woman. Often times we deny our own feelings and put everyone else before us. 

The chapter also talks about this thing called "future-tripping" and how the ego has the ability to convince us that someone we don't even know is super special. Like the guy that sends a flirty text or buys us a drink... All of the sudden we get all giddy and think that he is automatically that special someone and that we are going to marry that guy. Come one now ladies I know you feel me on that one. We've all been there and are guilty of the "OMG I just had the most amazing date.. I'm going to marry him" after just one date. Yeah it's fun to dream but that's not really a good way to stay in the present moment. 

The exercise for this chapter, Somethin' Special, was 3 steps on how to de-special a relationship: 

1. Whom have you made special? 

2. Out it. 

3. View it differently. 

These answers I have decided to keep to myself and have worked through the provided meditation to progress into to the next chapter. This is also something I will work on daily because I have had these relationships for the majority of my life and working to view them differently is going to take daily progress. 

The most important thing I took from this chapter is to remember that we are all created with an equal amount of awesomeness on the inside. We are so used to seeing others as better or worse than us that we forget this major detail. So remember that we are equal and we are all awesome! 

Spirit Junkie Chapter Two

DISCLAIMER: I've decided to make my experience through Spirit Junkie a public journey because I want to inspire and motivate others to find their happiness. In all reality I have been struggling for many years to find what happiness is and exactly what my happiness is. I hope that this experience not only helps me to surrender to my fears, but guides me to my ultimate happiness. And in return I hope that others can find their happiness as well. 

Chapter two of Spirit Junkie asks us to examine our ego. To take a look at how the ego keeps us stuck in the illusion of fear. A guided meditation is provided followed by a free-writing experiment which I found to be very eye opening and helpful. The meditation was used to prepare our mind to allow free flowing thoughts. On an inhale we bring in the good and positives and on the exhale we release the negatives and the unknowns. 

Following the meditation there is a series of 4 questions:

1. What are you afraid of? 

- I afraid of being alone, not being worthy, not finding love, not finding happiness, not being enough, hurting others, and losing people. 

2. How do I attack myself?

- I attack myself with various types of doubt, pain, guilt, negative talk, being too busy, over working, lack of sleep, and holding onto the past. 

3. How do I attack others? 

- I attack othere primarily by judging, but also with hatred, silence, anger, frustration, guilt, and not making time. 

4. How do I bring my past fears into the present and future? 

- I bring my past fears into the present and futur pe by judging and comparing people and situations to past situations and people, negativity, being closed-minded, doubting myself and lack of time. 

Becoming aware of the ego and how it works is challenging. I have already begun to notice it creeping up on me when I'm most vulnerable. Judging someone because of their looks or appearance, not making time for me because I don't have time, or hatred towards recent life situations. The goal of this experiment is to "release the blocks to the awareness of love's presence on the inside, rather than finding love on the outside."

Honesty is a a scary thing, being vulnerable is even more scary. Ultimately to find happiness being scared and vulnerable have to happen. Finding yourself will be totally worth the struggle! 

Namaste *Ryanne