Lessons Learned...in Love

What can I say... so many words and no clue where to start. I have learned entirely too much about myself and others during these past 6 months.

Love, as defined, is an intense feeling of deep affection.  

I have learned so many things about myself, others, and what I am looking for in relationships. Not just romantic relationships, but friendships as well.

This journey, and transformation, has taught me that settling for anything isn't an option. This journey has also taught me that I don't have to settle. I can fight for what I want. I can wait for what I want. I do not have to keep the negative and stale energy in my life. I can and will bring positive energy and light into my life in all areas and through all things.

By keeping those negative influences in my life, I am only dragging myself down. By releasing the things and people in my life, I can generate more energy and make room for personal growth in relationships that I want to nurture.

Shall we have a look at what I have learned?

1. You do not need food and alcohol to have a good time. The company you keep make the experience...the amazing hamburger and cold beer only last for so long.

2. Walking outside with an old friend will lead to serious learnings.

2.5. Walking outside with a new friend will give you insight into things you may not otherwise have been given.

3. Being outside alone is incredibly soothing for the mind, body, and soul.

4. The gym and weight rack are my saving grace. Find yours - you will be amazed at what happens in your life!

5. It is okay if the person you once thought you were going to spend your life with, isn't that person anymore. This was the hardest part for me, but being unhappy was even harder. And trust me on this - I did thank myself in the long run and am happier. Even if you are single - it's pretty cool to be single!

6. Friendships will change. For better and worse. Basically it works like this - they either support the life change or the don't. If they do, they want to know about it and ask about it and ask about you and still include you in their life. If they don't, they won't ask...they won't care.

7. Nourish the friendships that support you. Nourish new friendships that support you and come to you during this time. They are the ones that will teach you something and most likely last.

8. Get to used to your lifestyle. Get used to the fact that you spend a stupid amount of time in the gym and an even stupider (yeah I used stupider, get over it) amount of time in your active wear.... If you need a little laugh watch this video!

9. Put down your phone. When you are with the people you love just put it down. When you are with new people just put it down. Be present with the people you are surrounded by.

10. Learn everything you can from everything that you can. Use each new opportunity as a learning experience. Learn to trust your instincts and your emotions. Learn to trust yourself. damnit..JUST LEARN!!!

11. Lastly, love yourself. Love who you have become on the inside. Understand that none of this would be possible without your determination and dedication. You will be tested - how you react to the tests will be the most difficult and rewarding part of the experience. Be proud of the journey that you are one, the transformation that you have made, the new lifestyle that you have developed.

Take each day as it comes...moment to moment. Live in the moment. Appreciate the ups and downs, the highs and lows. Be thankful for the people you do have. Be even more thankful for the life that you have. Be thankful that you have the choice to make a change, no matter what area of life needs changing you can make the decision to change it.

~~Ryanne 

Spirit Junkie Chapter Three

The learning continues. I am amazed at the progress a mind can make in such a short amount of time. The third chapter of Spirit Junkie focuses on that special relationship and how we make idols of certain people and/or things. 

"The ego convinces us that all the love we need is in one "special" person." Basically that we need that one person to be complete. However, no one person can be your main source of happiness. "The ego had convinced me that without a man I was incomplete..." How sad and true it is that most of us women and men feel this way, whether it be about a man or a woman. Often times we deny our own feelings and put everyone else before us. 

The chapter also talks about this thing called "future-tripping" and how the ego has the ability to convince us that someone we don't even know is super special. Like the guy that sends a flirty text or buys us a drink... All of the sudden we get all giddy and think that he is automatically that special someone and that we are going to marry that guy. Come one now ladies I know you feel me on that one. We've all been there and are guilty of the "OMG I just had the most amazing date.. I'm going to marry him" after just one date. Yeah it's fun to dream but that's not really a good way to stay in the present moment. 

The exercise for this chapter, Somethin' Special, was 3 steps on how to de-special a relationship: 

1. Whom have you made special? 

2. Out it. 

3. View it differently. 

These answers I have decided to keep to myself and have worked through the provided meditation to progress into to the next chapter. This is also something I will work on daily because I have had these relationships for the majority of my life and working to view them differently is going to take daily progress. 

The most important thing I took from this chapter is to remember that we are all created with an equal amount of awesomeness on the inside. We are so used to seeing others as better or worse than us that we forget this major detail. So remember that we are equal and we are all awesome! 

Right now.

when do you know when enough is enough? when do you know when to say goodbye? when do you know when to walk away? 

For me, the answer is I don't know. I don't know because I'm perplexed as to how it happens. How did it get to this place again? How does history repeat itself 3 months later and then again a month later? 

What if your soul mate and best friend is the one person that you can't make an actual relationship work with? Is it just supposed to be okay? 

First, let me point out the obvious - I need therapy. Second, I can't manage to function in a relationship with a legit label on it. Third, well I'm on the path to being single forever. And lastly, the one little crevice in the world where all my feels go away and everything is right is with the one person that I can't get the glue to stick with. 

Imagine that you're best opposite sex friend is the one person that just knows things. When you're in a funk, when you need alone time, when something is on your mind, when you need to eat veggies, when you need to go for a run, or even when you need a good night of crying and getting drunk playing Jenga and jamming to YouTube. This person gives the best hugs and forehead kisses. Your head fits perfectly in his armpit/shoulder/chest spot and his hand fits yours like a glove. Just take a minute and take in all that goodness and happiness and all things that make it right. 

Now imagine that everything goes this well until you put the boyfriend/girlfriend label on it and make it an actual relationship. Then everything you once knew is not the same. You stop communicating and stop being the friends that you were before the label was placed. It's a total let down. A disappointment. A fact that you have to accept but can't. 

After a very disappointing weekend, one filled with things that I don't know how to overcome, forgive, or forget, I've decided to take some time to think things over, to make a last final decision about what we are doing. This thing that we call love isn't love. it's sex. it's easy. it's comfortable. it's friends that get along so well and have such a good time together that you mistake it for real love. 

I deserve more. I deserve to be fought for. I've fought for enough in my life and now I need someone to fight for me, to fight to be with me and to fight for my love and to fight for me as a person. I deserve a love that is safe and supportive and kind. Something that is good. Real. stable. Genuine. and Right. Something that is right. that feels good everyday, even on the bad days it's still right. 

So you go back to being friends. Back to something that comes naturally. To a friendship that is real. And nothing more. Nothing beyond the simplest of friends. Because if it becomes more it gets in the way of finding the real thing. The thing you deserve.

~R