Wow. That is all I can say about these past 24 weeks. My
life has been forever changed in more ways than words can ever describe. BUT
here goes…
I walked into Dusty’s office with the intention that I
wanted to lose weight, get healthy, and possibly compete. I left Dusty’s office
an hour later knowing that I was 160lbs, 28% body fat, and stepping on stage in
a tiny ass bikini on October 10th and 17th, 2015. Yeah,
that’s real life.
My prep began in May and I was so excited. I thought I had
everything in life a girl could want. I finished my undergrad in psychology, I
got a job teaching yoga, I enjoyed my job at the hospital, I had a boyfriend, a
roof over my head, and a good support system.
This prep though, it makes you emotional. It challenges you
in ways you didn’t know you could or would ever be challenged. You are forced
to learn about yourself and the other people in your life. I cried almost
daily, and 90% of those tears were shed in the gym. The gym became my safe
place when my world turned upside down.
Fast forward three months to August. My prep was not
difficult, I actually had it easy compared to some and had very few low days.
The low days though, are what get you. The bad days attack and eat you alive.
August was THE WORST. In August, my boyfriend and I broke up, and very shortly
after that my grandfather passed away. I had been married, divorced, and lost
my father to cancer by the time I was 26 and none of that compares to this. I
used to run to food and alcohol to suppress my feelings. I used food and
alcohol as a way to bond and build relationships. This time, I couldn’t do
that.
I showed up to multiple sessions with Dusty crying. The
session after my grandfather passed will be an hour of my life that I never
forget. I had lost 4 pounds in a little over a week, and was a mess. I walked
through the door and Dusty took one look at me and said get in my truck we aren’t
training today. We spent that hour talking about everything. Past, present, and
future. Holding in the negativity wasn’t going to get anywhere. Letting it go
and moving on is what needed to happen and so it did.
I was not perfect on my prep. I binge ate almond butter, I
had mixed nuts when I shouldn’t have. But we’re human. Prep is hard. I learned
so much about myself as a person. I have been able to forgive people in my life
and let go of past hurt in order to move forward in a positive relationship. I
have found a confidence and a love for myself that I didn’t know was possible.
I have found who my true support system is in my family and friends. The best
part is that I gained an entirely new family in the Renovation Training team,
through thick and thin they have become home to me.
I stepped on stage on October 10th and 17th
knowing that I did the best I could and that no matter what the outcome I have
a life to be so proud of. This journey is my trophy, and it’s the best trophy a
girl could ask for.
Chapter Eight of Spirit Junkie is about accepting the invitation. We must "Seek to change nothing, but merely to accept everything." In thinking about that quote, it really takes us deeper and brings us to a more clear connection with out Spirit. Reminding myself to stay connected to my inner light and to keep inviting the light and love of the spirit in, is constantly the challenge. 
